Love Is a Daily Practice: Lessons from 11 Years of Marriage

Today marks 11 years since my wife and I said “I do.”

Eleven years of shared laughter and hard conversations.
Eleven years of evolving, growing, and learning how to love better.
Eleven years of realizing that love isn’t just something you feel—it’s something you practice.

And today, as Valentine’s Day arrives once again, I can’t help but reflect on how different love feels compared to when we first started.

In the beginning, love felt effortless. The excitement, the newness, the way everything seemed to click into place—it was intoxicating. We didn’t have to work at love back then; it was just there, in the way we looked at each other, in the way we talked for hours, in the way we knew we’d found something special.

But 11 years in, I know now:

Love is not just a feeling.
Love is a practice.

And if we don’t tend to it—if we don’t nurture it, if we don’t show up for it daily—it can fade, even in the best of relationships.

As I reflect on our marriage and what love has taught me over the years, I realize that this isn’t just about romance. The lessons I’ve learned in marriage apply to all forms of love—friendship, family, the way we care for others, and even the way we love ourselves.

Because love, in every form, is something we do, not just something we feel.

Love Is Not Just for Romance—It’s for Life

Valentine’s Day has a way of making us think love is about grand gestures—roses, chocolates, candlelit dinners. And while those things are nice, they aren’t love.

Love is waking up and choosing to be kind, even when you don’t feel like it.
Love is showing up when life gets hard, when stress is high, when patience is thin.
Love is listening, really listening, instead of just waiting for your turn to speak.

It’s the ordinary moments that shape a love that lasts.

1. Love Through the Hard Days, Not Just the Easy Ones

It’s easy to love when everything is light and joyful.

But real love is tested in the moments when things aren’t easy.

• When stress pushes you apart instead of pulling you together.

• When life throws unexpected challenges that change everything.

• When time, exhaustion, and routine make you forget the why behind your love.

I’ve learned that love isn’t about never feeling frustrated, hurt, or misunderstood.

It’s about what you do when those feelings come up.

• Do you lash out or lean in?

• Do you withdraw or communicate?

• Do you assume the worst or give the benefit of the doubt?

Love is a practice of choosing connection—even when disconnection feels easier.

2. Love Speaks Through Small, Consistent Actions

One of the biggest myths about love is that it’s proven in big moments—anniversaries, vacations, grand romantic gestures.

But what really sustains love are the small, everyday choices.

• The way you make coffee for your partner before they even ask.

• The text that says, “Thinking about you,” in the middle of a busy day.

• The inside jokes that remind you, we’re still us.

These things aren’t extravagant. But they matter more than flowers ever could.

Because love isn’t about one big moment.

It’s about a thousand small ones.

3. Love Requires Forgiveness—Again and Again

After 11 years of marriage, I can confidently say:

There is no love without forgiveness.

We’ve disappointed each other.
We’ve let each other down.
We’ve said things we wish we could take back.

But love doesn’t thrive in keeping score. It thrives in grace.

• Letting go of minor annoyances instead of holding onto resentment.

• Apologizing when you’re wrong—even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Offering a fresh start, again and again, knowing that perfection doesn’t exist.

Love isn’t about never messing up.

It’s about being willing to start over, as many times as it takes.

4. Love Grows When You Grow—Individually and Together

One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in marriage is this:

We are not the same people we were 11 years ago.

And we’re not supposed to be.

Love isn’t about holding onto a version of someone from the past. It’s about choosing to love who they are becoming.

That means:

• Supporting each other’s dreams, even when they shift.

• Giving space for personal growth, even when it feels unfamiliar.

• Learning how to love the new versions of each other, again and again.

Because when we stop growing, love stagnates.

But when we embrace change, love deepens.

5. Love Extends Beyond Romantic Relationships

What I’ve learned from 11 years of marriage applies to every relationship in my life.

• Friendships thrive on presence, patience, and effort.

• Family relationships require forgiveness and understanding.

• Self-love demands the same grace we extend to others.

Love is not exclusive to romantic partners.

It’s how we treat everyone—from strangers to friends to the people who challenge us most.

And the more we practice love in all its forms, the more it grows in us.

Love Is a Choice—Every Single Day

If I’ve learned anything from marriage, it’s this:

Love is not something that just happens.

It’s not just something you fall into.

It’s something you create, moment by moment, decision by decision.

• It’s choosing to listen instead of assume.

• It’s choosing to soften instead of shutting down.

• It’s choosing to nurture instead of neglect.

Love isn’t a feeling.

It’s a practice.

And when we practice it—not just on anniversaries, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every single day—it transforms everything.

Final Thoughts: What Love Looks Like in the Everyday

As I celebrate 11 years of marriage today, I’m reminded that love is not perfect.

It’s messy. It’s imperfect. It requires patience, forgiveness, and work.

But it is also the most sacred, beautiful, life-giving practice we will ever commit to.

So whether you are in a relationship or not, whether this Valentine’s Day feels like a celebration or just another day—remember this:

Love is not just something you receive.

It’s something you offer.

To your partner.
To your friends.
To your family.
To yourself.

And the more you practice it, the more it grows.

Shareable Thought:

"Love isn’t something we wait for—it’s something we practice, every single day." 🌿 #PracticeLove #EverydayLove #MarriageLessons

For more reflections on love, presence, and meaningful living, visit genequiocho.com.