When Grief Feels Like an Ocean: Learning to Move Forward Without Having to “Move On”
It’s been over a month since my dad died.
And if I’m honest, I still don’t know how to go back to “normal.”
The routines have returned.
Work calls. Responsibilities pile up.
Life, it seems, keeps moving forward.
But inside?
It’s like I’m standing still.
Like part of me is still back there, holding memories I’m not ready to let go of.
Like I’m wading through waters that are deeper than I ever expected.
Grief Isn’t Linear—It’s Like a River
If you’ve ever lost someone—or lost a version of yourself or your life—you know this already:
Grief doesn’t work like a checklist.
It doesn’t respect the tidy timelines we wish it did.
It flows when it wants to. It recedes when you least expect it. And sometimes, it drags old memories, fears, and unfinished feelings back up to the surface.
And maybe that’s the point.
Because grief isn’t just about sadness.
It’s about healing.
It’s about waking up to what really matters.
It’s about asking harder questions of ourselves, our lives, and our world.
What Grief Is Teaching Me (And Maybe You, Too)
Grief has been forcing me to sit with questions I didn’t want to ask before:
What parts of me have been afraid to feel this deeply?
What old stories am I still carrying that need healing?
What kind of world do I really want to leave for my kids, now that I know how fragile life really is?
These aren’t easy questions.
They crack you open.
They strip away what doesn’t matter.
And they leave you facing the raw, real parts of yourself.
The Gift Hidden in the Ache
I’ll be honest—there’s still part of me that wants to hurry through this.
Get back to “normal.”
Close the door on the pain.
But when I slow down long enough to feel it fully, something surprising happens.
Grief starts to soften me.
It opens up compassion—for myself and for others who are carrying invisible losses.
It makes me pay attention to the small, sacred moments I used to rush past.
It shows me that the world is still beautiful, even when it’s broken.
And maybe, just maybe, grief is inviting me to not just move on—but to move forward from a deeper, truer place.
How to Navigate When You Don’t Know the Way
If you’re like me and you’re in the middle of grief—whether from losing a loved one, a dream, or a chapter of your life—you might feel stuck in the in-between.
You don’t need to have a plan.
But here are some gentle ways to let grief do its work without letting it define you:
1. Let the River Flow
Don’t dam it up.
Let yourself cry.
Let yourself rage.
Let yourself feel the ache in your chest.
Grief that’s allowed to move will eventually carry you somewhere new.
Grief that’s stuffed down will hold you hostage.
2. Ask New Questions
Instead of “How do I get back to normal?”
Try asking:
“What parts of me are becoming new?”
“What do I want to protect, honor, or change because of this loss?”
Grief can be a teacher, if you let it.
3. Honor the Sacred in the Everyday
Grief wakes you up to what matters.
So let yourself honor:
The stories from the past that still hold wisdom.
The small rituals that feel grounding.
The people who show up for you, even if you don’t have the words yet.
4. Remember, You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out
You can grieve and still not know what’s next.
You can hurt and still have moments of joy.
You can feel lost and still trust that the path will emerge, step by step.
The Future Needs the Healing We Offer Ourselves Today
Here’s what grief is slowly teaching me:
When we allow the past to be honored, felt, and forgiven—
we give the future better water to stand in.
When we offer compassion to our own wounds—
we create more compassionate spaces for others.
When we let our grief awaken us to what matters most—
we start living not from our guarded places,
but from our whole selves.
And that’s the kind of world I want to help shape.
For my kids.
For yours.
For the generations we’ll never meet.
Shareable Thought:
“Grief isn’t something to get over—it’s something that shapes how we move forward, with softer hearts, clearer eyes, and a deeper sense of what matters most.”
If this reflection touched something in you, follow along for weekly writings on grief, healing, and learning how to live gently, deeply, and honestly through life’s hardest seasons.
For more resources and reflections, visit genequiocho.com.
