What I’ve Learned as a Hospice Chaplain (So Far)

When I first stepped into the role of a hospice chaplain, I thought I knew what to expect.

I thought my job would be about providing comfort, offering prayers, and holding space for the dying.

And it is.

But what I didn’t expect was how much I would be changed.

How sitting with people in their final days would reshape the way I think about time, love, regret, and what really matters.

How witnessing death up close would make me more alive.

I’ve learned that hospice isn’t about death.

It’s about life—how we live, how we love, and what we carry with us in the end.

And these are the lessons I’m learning, one bedside conversation at a time.

1. We Don’t Regret What We Think We Will

When people look back on their lives, their regrets are rarely about money, status, or career achievements.

Instead, they sound like this:

• I wish I had spent more time with the people I love.

• I wish I had been kinder to myself.

• I wish I hadn’t let fear keep me from doing the things I wanted to do.

The things we chase—success, security, perfection—often aren’t the things that matter when we reach the end.

What matters is love.

The relationships we nurtured.
The moments we showed up for.
The kindness we extended—to others and to ourselves.

And when we realize this, the way we live changes.

2. Time Is Not Unlimited—And That’s What Makes It Sacred

We live as if we have forever.

We say “maybe next year.”
We put off the phone call, the trip, the conversation.
We assume we’ll always have time to fix things, to heal wounds, to make things right.

But in hospice, I see the truth:

Time is not a guarantee.

The people we love won’t always be here.
Opportunities don’t wait forever.
Someday is not promised.

And instead of letting that scare us, we can let it wake us up.

We can love now.
We can forgive now.
We can say the words we’ve been holding back now.

Because if we wait until we feel ready, we might never get the chance.

3. Presence Matters More Than Words

There are moments in hospice where words fail.

Where no prayer, no quote, no well-intentioned encouragement can change what’s happening.

And in those moments, I’ve learned:

Presence is more powerful than words.

• Sitting in silence with someone who is grieving.

• Holding a hand when there’s nothing else to do.

• Letting someone cry without trying to fix it.

We think we need the right words, the perfect thing to say.

But sometimes, what people need most is just someone to be there.

To hold space. To let them feel what they need to feel. To remind them that they are not alone.

And that kind of presence?

That’s love in its purest form.

4. Dying People Teach You How to Live

People at the end of life don’t have time for pretending.

They don’t waste energy on small talk, on holding grudges, on worrying about things that don’t matter.

They are raw, honest, and fully themselves.

And they remind me:

Why wait until the end to live that way?

• Why not speak honestly, love deeply, and live without apology now?

• Why not stop worrying so much about what people think and start focusing on what actually matters now?

• Why not choose joy, presence, and connection while we still have the chance?

The people I sit with in hospice aren’t just teaching me about dying.

They are showing me how to live fully while I still can.

5. Love Is the Only Thing We Take With Us

In the end, it’s not about what we own, what we achieved, or how perfectly we planned our lives.

It’s about who we loved and how we loved them.

• Did we love people well?

• Did we let ourselves be loved?

• Did we show up, even when it was inconvenient?

The only thing that seems to matter in the final days is love—the love we gave, the love we received, and the love we leave behind.

Everything else fades.

But love?

That stays.

That carries on.

That is the only legacy that truly lasts.

Final Thoughts: Living With the End in Mind

Working in hospice has made me see life differently.

It has made me ask hard questions:

• If today was my last day, would I be at peace with how I lived?

• Have I told the people I love how much they mean to me?

• Am I spending my time on what truly matters—or just what feels urgent?

Because the truth is:

We are all in hospice.

We just don’t know how much time we have left.

So why not live like it matters?

Why not love like there’s no time to waste?

Why not be fully here, while we still have the chance?

Shareable Thought:

"Hospice isn’t about death. It’s about life—how we live, how we love, and what we carry with us in the end." 🌿 #LiveFully #HospiceLessons #WhatMattersMost

For more reflections on life, presence, and personal growth, visit genequiocho.com.